When I allow the deep grief to be fully present, then spontaneous joy,  can miraculously also be possible, just as Kahlil Gibran shares in ‘The Prophet’ when he writes about joy and grief being bedfellows.   When I berate myself for being too intense, or insist that my grieving process is going on longer than it ‘should’ do, acting as a stern, unkind parent, I really suffer.

It’s as simply as that, the question of whether I can be my own kind mother or not , and if I can be especially vigilant with the self care that is needed,  with this delicate subject in particular.  

It’s like losing a child, it is not just a done and dusted experience that can be put behind us,  like moving house or changing a job.  I know with my own journey, the devastating loss of a vanishing twin remains, it doesn’t go away.  It’s a radical choice to choose to build one’s life around the loss, creating beauty and happiness wherever possible,  but not demanding or expecting that the pain can be got rid of.   

Letting go of my beautiful first dog Archie after having the vet come to euthanise him

What a strange thing this aching grief

That seems to terrorise, yet can bring such relief

Threatening to drown us in a sea of sorrow

When in its release, there’s a chance for tomorrow

Grief we repress,  pushing down and down

Sometimes even choosing to wear as a crown

Dragging it round as a heavy lead weight

Trying to be stoic, accepting our fate

What if the symptoms that pervade every cell

Were here as a reminder – to take us away from hell?

What if we stopped and dared to feel all the pain

Could we have a chance to live once again?

It’s overwhelmingly scary to dive down so deep

To give voice to the grief buried and asleep

What if we could bring ourselves to kiss all our tears

Could we then honour the losses through the years?

When we avoid going into the truth of the grief

We create stories around it, desperately hoping for relief

But there is nothing to do, but stare it straight in the face

As then magically it’s transformed, with some zen-like space

With acceptance and awareness, the pain loses control

We are no longer trapped in a bottomless hole

We come back to the present, more accepting and whole

Can witness the gift, that grief gives to our soul

Grief as a messenger opens our hearts

Brings us back to our bodies so we’re not broken in parts

We can connect to others and feel less alone

Look back on our lives and see how much that we’ve grown

When I’m anxious and hyper, running scared

When I’m playing superwoman with everything prepared

That’s when I know, I’m not listening to my heart

Thank God for my tears, so I can make a new start

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