Below are the original statements I bought into, the false beliefs and underneath in italics, the new reality and perception that is my current truth:
I’m bad, the problem, it’s my fault, I have to be responsible for everything. I deserve it
Seeing how I’ve carried all the unresolved baggage in family/culture/religion (and as woman)
I have no skin, my boundaries are non-existent, anything can come in even if uninvited
Nothing has permission unless I say so…my body is my own……’my dragon’s fire fucking burns anyone who violates my boundaries’ (these boundaries of steel that are the marker for those with the most self compassion)
I’m a woman, second rate citizen, here to serve men, not have needs (inner patriarch)
To give up this martyrdom, enslavement and prostitution that has gone on for millennia – standing for return of sacred feminine to save Mother Earth, nature, the human species that has been split
Head, intelligence, control, omnipotence
Body has the wisdom, this intuitive and implicit wisdom (‘body holds the score’ book by Bessel Von Kolk)
Outside authority knows it all, they have the answers and way for me
Realisation how many are deluded, psychotic, living in dark ages and often evil (like big Pharma and Monsanto), they do not have my best interests…..staying with my own spiritual truth and wisdom, knowing I am my own saviour
Separation, doing it solo, needing no-one, individual power, competition/power games, co-dependency
Conscious Relationship as fuel for growth. Inclusion, diversity, equality, mutuality, resonant community, no-one is separate or above/below. Shaman’s way. Surrendering to more space….the sacred, allowing in GRACE, this higher power and divine wisdom to guide and support. Sacred marriage – intimate and authentic relating with commitment to evolving
Fill up the day with over-doing, never ending lists, too many people and their stories, scattered and over stimulated…….because emptiness feels dangerous and, scary. Abandonment, inability to self soothe, no way to create
Emptiness, new possibilities from space and embodied ‘not knowing’ – the Goddess to enter, hold, self care. Containment and boundaries. Writing as a lifeline…creative gifts. Sacred relationships carefully chosen
Living in black and white polarities, standing on one foot, I’m right, they are wrong, I’m sorted and healed as finish line
Seeing greys….knowing opposites in myself, learning to self love, accepting all of it (all the paradox), being compassionate and therefore including more of humanity without judgment. Straddling opposites, dancing with power and vulnerability. Shadow work to avoid hurting self and others as responsibility grows with more awareness
Job Titles that crucify me like killer inner critic, scapegoat, victim, saviour/rescuer…..
Reclaiming disowned and blind selves. Having primary selves grow up to do real, soul jobs ie critic becomes discerning judge, scapegoat becomes whistleblower, victim becomes compassionate advocate and rescuer becomes emissary/light worker/wounded healer for others….selves like the witness who came out to see bigger picture
Surviving awful experiences, trauma and challenges – life is unfair, I’m at the mercy of whatever happens, imploded trauma, nothing will change, it’s misery, hopeless and doomed. I am powerless.
Understanding nature of trauma which is huge for everyone but misunderstood. Bringing suffering back from exile, reclaiming the sacred feminine. Recognising this as initiation, the forging of resilience, wisdom, humility, compassion – this alchemic truth of ‘holy brokenness’, in order to awaken and do life work. Being in Service, this the real destination. Heart opening. Being moulded…post traumatic injury to post traumatic growth. Helping others by sharing journey, holding a lantern in their darkness. Standing as light-bearer, owning this light, recognising power as huge responsibility.
You are fundamentally evil, sinned and are beyond redemption. Needing priest or holy person to transcend
Connecting to self as sacred and part of God/Goddess. No middle man is needed, separation is over, all is forgiven. Coming back to the body – going down to the womb, to Spiritual Embodiment. Sacred Marriage within myself. There is no good/bad, it is all energy wanting to come home to the light…..to love it all is key.