Photo source of twin babies unknown

Intense fluttering, butterflies seek their rightful place

Another ‘mourning’ beckons, stares me straight in the face

Breathing deeply as shock kicks in on first waking

Knowing in death there is bliss, no suffering, no faking

Boulders pressing down on a sad, heavy chest

Anxiety too strong, never allowing for rest

Airways restricted, breath barely passing through

I must speak the truth, the mundane and the taboo

Is this a dread of waking or the thrill of life itself?

The dark combination of meeting in this void?

Haunting memories of a loss too painful to mention

A body crippled from trauma and life long tension

Four breaths in – pause, four breaths out – pause

The safety afforded by these habitual doors

Don’t stop and contract,  shutting down to survive

You must remember the breathing, the choice to thrive

There’s no easy explanation for a grief this deep

No answers, quick fixes, promises you can keep

Reality can be stark, relenting and brutal

Strategies help sustain but in the end are futile

As I stay closely aligned to the salvation of breath

There is no denying that it’s HIS – not my death

Twin souls and bodies entangled and entwined

Life and death, in this tender and precious double bind